(re)Start Anew
I have done this so many times
that to even see the words “start over” or “start anew” fills my lungs with a preemptive breath. It elicits conflicting feelings of resignation in my sunken heart and a surge of drive through my hips and legs, lifting me out of my seat. I may not know yet where I’m headed but I am getting up and moving, pulled by an invisible thread.
When I make the choice to start anew I tip my hat, a gentle bow, to the Cosmos and its infinite possibilities. I begin a dance neither leading or following, but learning steps that are different from the previous number. The choice to start anew is both active and receptive. A part of me must consciously engage with the initiatory action, even if it is just the commitment to the decision. And an equal part must allow the course to be co-created with the Cosmos/God/Source.
When we talk about “healing,” what we are really talking about is “becoming.”
The road of healing isn’t linear, it’s surely not paved. It’s a rough path that winds through the landscape of our past, our present, and sometimes it jumps ahead and serves us a backhand from the future.
It’s an alchemical process that transforms our physical, emotional and mental selves, refining our expression to a frequency that radiates our purpose back out through every experience. In each physical incarnation, each life we are given the opportunity to heal what was left over from before, to make choices that end toxic ancestral cycles, and to become authentic beacons of our essence. Whether we created karma in past incarnations or we currently find ourselves on a path with which we no longer resonate, by becoming or healing we redirect energy toward a more sustainable future, and the next incarnation.
The body shows us there are many ways to heal a wound. Some scars are more flexible than others; some you barely even know are there and some are a constant reminder of the hurt that once happened. Whether the wound was self-inflicted or the result of something outside of us, the body begins with a biological process to repair the tissue, to restore a barrier from further exposing the vulnerable insides. We do the same with our hearts and our minds when we are wounded there, too. These barriers are not usually as elastic or soft as they once were. We see in physical scars that the cellular formation of the tissue is more haphazard and compounded than its natal weave. It takes care and a gentle touch to smooth the layers, restore the pliability, and rebuild the strength in areas that have been wounded.
Like you, I have experienced wounding. I have fallen, concussed, cut, and broken myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is part of our humanness, to experience the limits of our capabilities and to know them by going too far. Some wounds are deeper than others, sometimes it only takes a quick sear to realize that the stove is hot and probably shouldn't be touched by bare skin. And from that we learn the beauty of our sensitivity, and the resiliency of our form, our minds and our hearts.
You can always start anew, you know…
While wounding is not a necessary precursor to starting anew, it certainly emphasizes the availability of the choice. With each wound, whether near fatal or paper cut, we begin the process to rebuild the tissue and face the decision between multiple alternatives. Let’s say you fell the first time you rode a bike—perhaps you were distracted, or you hit a patch of loose gravel, or you just hadn’t yet mastered your balance—you could have chosen the determination to try again, or to go home and try the next day, or you could have left the bike right there and tried something else altogether. The heartbreak from a lover who does not recognize your magic or your devotion presents yet another context of wounding. You can choose to block this person from your life and seek someone who values you, or forgive them their faults and try to build a different kind of relationship, or continue as you have been because you aren’t yet ready to be without them in your life.
At each crossroad is a myriad of opportunities in their complexity and contextual variations. To make the choice to start anew requires that we acknowledge and release the former expectations and the pattern of behavior that landed us right where we are. It is an acceptance that we are ready for a new timeline.
The changes don’t have to be big. Starting anew can be little habits, a small shift of perspective. If the glasses we are wearing are rose-colored, we cannot see the entire spectrum of light refracting in our eyes. Rose-colored glasses are wonderful, they can create a whole perspective on their own, but if they are blinding us from the truth of what is green we will never see what could possibly be growing instead. Recognizing that our glasses, our perspective, may not be the only one; trying on a new perspective to see how it feels in practice; choosing to see the multitudes and the paradoxes presents us with pathways previously hidden from view.
There is a moment in the decision to start anew when the truth clicks. It is in the recognition that our expectations or our goals will not be met through the current means. The moment the teeth fit into their grooves and the door unlocks, we cannot unsee the availability of alternatives even if we cannot see exactly what they are. We are innervated with a knowing that if we continue in the same pattern of expectations and behavior, we will only be picking at scabs—prohibiting the wound from fully healing and potentially further injuring those vulnerable insides. This does not mean we are always ready to start anew. Many times, we start before we are ready and must take those first steps over and over again until we are comfortable in their imprint. Only once we are fully committed to the decision to start anew, do we surrender to the next timeline.
What even is a timeline?
There is a lot of dialogue in the wellness and spiritual communities about timelines. Folks talking about timeline creation, or timeline jumping, or timeline cheating, but what even is a timeline? How is it constructed and how do they operate in our human experience?
Without getting too deep into quantum theory because I am admittedly no expert there, I have experienced and understand timelines to be conceptually complex but operationally simple. A timeline is not so much a line at all. It is not two dimensional and it does not necessarily take us from one point to another. A timeline is a frame of reference of variable experiences that move our consciousness. When we are talking about our individual experience of consciousness, I have come to understand that it is always in relation to Cosmic Consciousness; that is, the theory of everything “known and unknown” that has potential of existence. I know, it’s mind-bending. Bear with me.
Timelines exist as comparative containers between one consciousness and another. With every lesson, each new awareness, comes a new divergent timeline.
When we start anew, we step into the next timeline. We had been traveling in one direction, and we choose another. Direction is only relative to its surroundings and, like I said, timelines are not linear. We are not choosing a literal pathway left or right, better or worse. Starting anew does change the direction we are headed, like a tributary can change the direction of river water, but there is no judgment. It is just new. It is impossible to stay on only one timeline throughout our lives because we constantly evolve. We may reach a point where one timeline feels so comfortable we remain in its path until we outgrow it completely. In this case we may be forced to make a change that we never would have considered before. We can become comfortable in our lives, in the safety of one routine. But inevitably, all of the choices we make will create new timelines, new opportunities to grow and evolve either closer to or farther from our innate purpose.
Stepping into the next timeline requires that we leave some things behind. In order to operate from this new consciousness, we must lay down old expectations and beliefs, and wean ourselves from the comforts of behavior that no longer serve where we are going. As you step into the timeline, like into a divine pool, you are asked to disrobe. And this is a vulnerable thing, especially when we have recently been wounded. Many times we reach the entry of a new timeline, and we step back. We turn around and choose something else that keeps us locked into the old timeline; but yet not fully a part of it because—like we said before—once you have the new awareness, you can no longer operate in the old timeline in the old way.
When you learn to trust the descent into the new timeline, that there is the potential for moments of discomfort in the acclimation, starting anew becomes much easier. It is rare that we are great at something right off the bat. In that way, experiencing a new timeline isn’t so different than riding a bike, or being in a relationship. Starting anew is the commitment to the next experience, and we are allowed as many times as we need to step into that experience.
Starting anew can be the small changes, the new little habits, the slightly different perspectives. It can also be ending relationships, selling all of your belongings and moving across the country or across the globe. Starting anew is a conscious choice. It is one we are faced with often. And if we don’t take it the first time, there will always be another. You are constantly evolving, growing, shifting. Things are budding, hatching, blooming, fruiting, ripening, rotting and dying to foster new growth.
All you have to do is take the next step.
